I signed up for match.com. I tried to be truthful, but funny? I don't know. I haven't decided if I'm doing this ironically or not. I think I'd like to pretend I'm doing it ironically, so we'll go with that.
Some freakin' hotties on there, I will say that. I've been around some seriously unattractive men these days, so maybe I got used to it. Someone once said that the list of guys I've dated looks like the plaque under the Statue of Liberty (Give me your tired, your poor, etc.). I can't say I disagree. I'm gonna up my ante.
I had my cards read the other day, too. I don't believe in it, but maybe I don't believe in it just the way I don't believe in match.com. Things are looking good, but feeling bad right now. Welcome to transition. I can see one of two things happening in the near future: 1) I stay right where I am and things change gradually and 2) I get whiplashed out of my life and into a brand new one. I don't know which I prefer. I'm leaning towards 2. I do really well in new uncomfortable situations, and I do very badly in same ol' same ol'.
Here's a fun message I just got from match.com. I have no idea how to respond because I have no idea what this person is saying to me. My response in italics:
SAY YES, WONDER WOMAN (bagoo?)
Wait. To start? This isn't a toaster, or some other consumer appliance, with the directions to said toaster (or microwave oven, or ceiling fan, or coffee maker, or DVD player) containing (I got to about here when I looked at the end because I thought this was match.com spam mail trying to sell me something) illustrations - remove the blue tape from the power cord (coiled like a recently sated snake, alliterative powers at maximum capacity - or maximum majesty, or magnificent manliness, many dates hence, I know!) (I don't understand your witticism, sir) - and insert the cord into the nearest socket. So, to start: I am Lewis; Alexander is my middle name. I'm originally from New Jersey, just north of New York City; went to college in Boston and law school (never practiced, thankfully) in the South; run my own marketing and public relations business; have been in Los Angeles, a city I love obsessively, for 10 years; and have a younger brother, my only sibling, who lives nearby. This concludes the resume portion of wooing, which is briefer than a resume but longer than the standard introduction contestants receive on a game show. What else? You need to experience bliss (oh clearly that's true--look at my sad depressed eyes), and come with me for sushi you shall never forget (I never. Ever. Forget sushi). Take my hand (I think it's a tad weird and creepy that there's no period... does that make me a dork?)
